*Opening*
[A small, plain room with a double bed, two chairs, three windows and a vanity table.]
Dude looks like a lady
[From the back, we see a familiar redheaded figure seated at the vanity, brushing his hair.]
Dude looks like a lady
[He tucks some seeds into his hair, the camera zooms in so we can see his face in the mirror.]
Dude looks like a lady
[He pulls a rose out of his hair, smiling at his reflection as he sniffs it.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Standing, he puts the rose behind his ear, brushes off his clothes and heads for the door.]
Cruised into a bar on the shore
[Cut to outside. A red convertible is speeding along a beach-side highway, top down. Zooming in, we see Yuusuke driving, Kuwabara next to him, and Hiei in the back, scowling at the road. All three are dressed to hit a club.]
Her picture graced the grime on the door
[They pull up in front of a small, shabby-looking establishment. A tattered poster billing Kurama as star singer is stuck to the door. The picture only shows his face, long hair shown to full effect.]
She a long lost love at first bite
[Yuusuke and Kuwabara nudge each other, leering at the picture, Hiei just rolls his eyes and looks off in the other direction.]
Baby maybe you're wrong--
[The three make their way in. The inside is packed wall-to-wall with cheering fans of both genders. Onstage, Kurama sings, swaying to the rhythm back and forth across the stage.]
--But you know it's alright
[Yuusuke and Kuwabara join in the boisterous hoots of appreciation. Hiei watches with a small, half-smile on his face.]
That's right!
[Kurama catches Hiei's eye and winks. Startled, Hiei stumbles back into a huge, leather-clad biker. The ningen picks him up and hurls him into Kuwabara. Both Reikai-Tantei leap back to retaliate, and soon the whole room descends into a brawl. Amid the fuss, Kurama is hurried offstage.]
Backstage we're having the time
[(Some time later...) Kuwabara and Yuusuke are peering around the side of Kurama's dressing-room door, Hiei behind them, trying to feign disinterest.]
Of our lives until somebody say
[Finally, the Koorime gives in to curiosity and peeks as well, just as Kurama is about to take off his shirt... To their left, a man in a bartender's uniform enters. He raises his hand, opening his mouth to say something...]
"Forgive me if I seem out of line..."
[Kurama whirls, clutching his shirt closed, and spots the trio of voyeurs.]
Then she whipped out her gun
[Furious, the redhead pulls a gun from the vanity and takes aim.]
And tried to blow me away!
The three boys run for their lives, followed closely by a barrage of gunfire and a furious Kurama in Youko form.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Kurama stops at the doorway of the club, firing a last few shots at the speedily retreating convertible.]
Dude looks like a lady
[His silver hair streams out behind him on a breeze. He lets out a long breath and shrinks, his hair turning red again, before he heads back inside.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Out on the road, Hiei is yelling at Yuusuke. The other boy protests, then suddenly, the car stops and makes a U-turn.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Hiei watches dreamily from a table hidden well in the back as Kurama dances.]
So never judge a book by its cover
[(In Kurama's dressing room.) Hiei pins Kurama to the wall, kissing him. Kurama has one arm around Hiei's waist, his other hand holding the back of his head.]
Or who you gonna love by your lover
[The two fall onto Kurama's bed.]
Love put me wise--
[Hiei's shirt flies across the room, followed by one of his belts.]
--To her love in diguise
[Kurama stands up, holding the clasp of his long, billowy robe. Hiei watches expectantly.]
She had the body of a venus
[Camera pans up behind Kurama from his feet to his head.]
Lord imagine my surprise!
[The robe drops to the floor. Hiei's eyes nearly pop out of his head.]
Dude looks like a lady
[The club is as crowded and chaotic as ever. All together, the audience quiets down and looks expectantly towards the stage.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Hunched over a table, trying to look inconscpicuous, Yuusuke and Kuwabara are arguing over something.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Glancing around them, they slip behind the crowds and head for the back passages of the club.]
Dude looks like a lady
[A stampede of protest starts in the club, uniformed men onstage are trying to calm down the enraged fans, assuring them that Kurama is coming...]
Baby let me follow you down
(Let me take a peek dear)
[Yuusuke and Kuwabara stumble down a darkened hallway, searching for Kurama's room.]
Baby let me follow you down
(Do me, do me, do me, all night)
[Finally, they find the door bearing a star and Kurama's name.]
Baby let me follow you down
(Turn the other cheek dear)
[Kuwabara silently eases the door open just enough to peer through. The two companions goggle as they realize Kurama is not alone, and the other person in the bed is... Hiei!]
Baby let me follow you down
(Do me, do me, do me, sue me!)
[Shamelessly, they continue watching. Then, a sheet slips and Kurama's--flat--chest is revealed in profile... Turning several shades of crimson, the two Reikai-Tantei make a mad dash for the exit. Unaware, Kurama and Hiei continue--well...what they were doing. The door slowly drifts shut.]
Oooh, what a funky lady
[(The next day...) Hiei is sprawled on Kurama's bed, covered only to the waist by the sheets, and looking slightly dazed, but pleased. He gazes over at the vanity.]
She like it like it like it like that
[Kurama turns from brushing his hair, dressed again for work, and gives Hiei a conspiratorial wink.]
Oooh, he was a lady
[(Outside...) Black clouds of burnt rubber are streaming up from the back of a familiar red convertible as it screams into the distance, it's driver and solitary passenger looking more than a little panicked...]
Dude looks like a lady
[Kurama struts around the stage, singing with more zeal than usual. He throws a handful of roses into the audience, as his fans stomp and shriek their admiration.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Dressed in the club uniform, Hiei cheers Kurama on from the bar, then turns to serve someone a drink.]
Dude looks like a lady
[Hiei starts slightly as a rose lands in the drink he was mixing. Looking up, he meets Kurama's eye and smiles.]
Dude looks like a lady....
--by Utopian Trunks, July 16, 1998
E-Mail Utopian Trunks!
UT's YYH Fanfiction Page